In the big news item of the day, God has decided to quit.
“Yeah, I finally got tired of having to deal with all those doubting thomases, and those snotty atheists and their rational arguments. Fuckers. I’ve been carrying the weight of the universe’s creation for 14 billion…er, I mean 6000 years, and what is the thanks I get? Shit like this!
“I mean, really! Is this the best those assholes can do? Some sort of cheap-looking Touchdown Jesus??
“Quite frankly? I’m tired of it all. I’m gonna go put my feet up, pop a cold one, and watch the rest of the World Cup games.
“Oh, and as for that piece of foam and wood-frame crap ‘adoration’?
“I took care of that piece of shit toot-suite.”