The intercom on His desk buzzed. He put down the latest copy of Playboy and thumbed the switch. “Yeah?”
“Peter would like a word with You, Sir.”
“Send him on in.”
St. Peter stuck his head in the door. “Got a second, Big G?”
“Sure.” God’s eyes wandered over his desk, and his eyes locked onto Miss January’s splendors, which were open for all to see.
“Sir, I’ve got a problem at the Gate.”
“Yeah?” God’s eyes didn’t move.
“Yes, Sir. I’ve got Joe Paterno wanting in.”
God was obviously more concerned about where he wanted to put his Godhood than he was with Peter’s issue. “Yeah?”
“There’s a problem, Sir. The man knowingly let his subordinate…Sir, are you listening to me?”
“Yeah. I’m omniscent, remember?”
Peter waited. He knew better than to intrude when He was in one of His Moods.
Finally God noticed the silence and looked up. “Sooooo, what about it?”
“Well, Sir, I’m not quite sure what to do. Paterno was a game-winner that made a lot of money for his school, and he showed a lot of young men what it was like to be winners. He was dutiful to the rules that were set before him by his superiors at Penn State, but he let those awful things go on for years without taking any action.”
Peter waited. God finally said, “Pete, what does that plaque over My Door say today?”
Peter turned and read it. God was fond of changing what was on the plaque, and Peter hadn’t glanced at it when he came in.
“Sir, it says ‘There is no higher Law than doing Good.’ “
“There’s your answer, son. Paterno knew what was going on, and that asshole’s moral compass worked about as well as Frothy’s. Following the letter of the law without doing what is Good gets him a big ‘Fuck Off!’ in my book. It should in yours as well. Call Lucie and tell him to reserve a big pot of boiling pitch and an ass funnel. Joe’s in for a bad time.”
“Yes, Sir.” Peter watched as God picked up his Playboy. Lindsey Lohan was on the cover, and Peter had no doubt at all as to where to send HER when the time came.