Don’t say you’re sorry! Get even!

Dan Savage got a letter the other day that struck home hard for me:

I’m a straight woman planning a wedding in a no-equality state. Many of my nearest and dearest friends are gay. As I address these invites I can’t help feeling like a schmuck. Doesn’t this suck for you guys on some level? Smiling through weddings for years on end while being shat on by the government? I want to write “SORRY!” all over the invitations I’m sending to my gay friends!…

Savage’s advice?

[C]onsider lifting one of the readings from our friends’ ceremony.

“Marriage is a vital social institution The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”

So touching, so true, and so universal—who could argue with those sentiments? Everyone at the wedding was nodding. The reading continued…

“It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a ‘civil right.’ Without the right to choose to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.”

After the reading—which was done by a gay friend of the couple—the officiant identified the source: It was from the 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage in that state.

When The Spouse and I went to get our marriage license in St. Paul, we were asked three questions by the clerk:

  • Were we legally eligible to get married to each other? (i.e., not married to someone else)
  • Were we mentally competent enough to understand what we were doing?
  • Were we one man and one woman?


We had discovered that Minnesota statute prohibited same-sex marriage.

We said “Yes, yes, and yes” and got the license, but by the time we got back to the car she was in tears and I was upset. Neither of us had any idea that such a heinous thing had been codified. If there hadn’t been some urgency to getting married (a whole ‘nother story), we would have seriously considered getting married somewhere where itwas legal.

And now out-of-state conservative interests are spending wads of money to engrave one-man-one-woman-marriage into our state’s constitution.

So, if you’re considering marriage, and want to make a serious impact about just what marriage and civil rights are all about, think about including the above quote in the ceremony, and tell your guests, in lieu of gifts, to make donations of time and money to organizations that are trying to rid us of the Jim Crow laws of the 21st century:

Washington United for Marriage

Minnesotans United for All Families

Mainers United for Marriage

Marylanders for Marriage Equality


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Tying the knot against homophobia, mutant-style

Marvel Comics is taking another social step forward.

There is going to be a big, big wedding portrayed in Astonishing X-Men this summer.

So what’s the big deal:

Jean-Paul Beaubier (known as Northstar) and Kyle Jinadu are tying the knot in AX-M in issues #50 and #51.

In the meantime, DC Comics is promising that “one of the major iconic DC characters will reveal that he is gay in a storyline in June”.

Late in coming, to be sure, but it is heartening that the comics industry doesn’t seem to be afraid of right-wing backlash.

Has the parallels between hating super-powered mutants and hating gays occurred to anyone else?

“Ignorance: the root and stem of all evil”

Yesterday North Carolina travelled back in time to 1875, and here is the state constitutional amendment that was added:

As ThinkProgress points out, 137 years later North Carolina passed its next amendment dealing with marriage, with just as little foresight and just as much fear and hate.

An old acquaintance reminded Facebook readers last night of Plato’s comment: “Ignorance: the root and stem of all evil.”

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Interesting (and compelling) argument:

Click to enbiggen

If “sanctity of marriage” is what’s keeping you from agreeing with gay marriage, you should pay more attention to your First Amendment. (It wouldn’t hurt a bit to pay more attention to the “due process” clause of the 14th Amendment as well.)

(Thanks to Tony for the tip.)

Spreading santorum

Bob Vander Plaats and his gang of homophobic dominionists The Family Leader have given Frothy Mix their endorsement for the 2012 Republican nomination for president. I’ve talked about Vander Plaats here and here.

Former senator Richard Santorum responds in his own inimitable way. When asked how he would attempt to get the gay vote, he replied:

“Well, look, I have nothing against gay people. They have rights of every other citizen. But what they did in Iowa and what some are trying to do, not all gays, but some are trying to do is change the laws of this country with respect to what the definition of marriage is….. But if there are differences, I’m certainly going to speak out on those differences when I think it’s in the best interests of our country to have laws that reflect having men and women raise children and form solid marriage bonds.” (emphases mine)

See the video.

So the candidate admits that gays have the “rights of every other citizen”. So do they have the right of due process, Mr. Santorum? Do they have the right to be afforded due process? Do they have they right to be married, just like every other consenting adult in America?

And while we’re on the topic of forming “solid marriage bonds”, can we discuss the 50% divorce rate in America? Do you have plans to make divorce more difficult (or impossible) to attain? And can we discuss the curious fact that since gays gained the right of marriage in Massachusetts, the state has gained the lowest divorce rate in America (1.8% in 2009)?

Shall we talk about all that?

I thought not.


On a disturbing side note, I discovered something that Google Search has done that I don’t think I like much.

I Googled the word “santorum”. For years, the first entry in Google’s search (the most popularly chosen entry) went to This is no longer true; here’s what I saw on IE and Firefox:

What was disturbing was what happened when I went to, and then went paged back to the Google list:

Note the third line in the second entry. You can now choose to “block all results”. This does not happen with any of the “official” Rick Santorum sites. I’ve asked Google why that is, but I have yet to receive a response.


One more thought: get out there and Google “santorum” and click on the site. 50 or 60 times.

Message from Ladybird to the rest of the world!

As an obvious dig at Michele Obama’s urging for children to eat healthier meals, Mr. Michele Bachmann has this to say:

“I’ve decided my cause is not going to be happy meals. We are going to be the message-givers…we are going to get this message across. Marriage is between one man and one woman. We are going to promote families.”

Now listen to this and tell me that we don’t have a major closet case acting out as a homophobe:


“Oh, and I think the U.S. Embassy in Tehran hasn’t been open in, oh, 32 years.”

From the Washington Post:

Jane Schmidt, a student at Waverly High School, in Waverly, Iowa, recently asked Michele Bachmann, “Why can’t same-sex couples get married?”

“They can get married,” Bachmann responded, “but they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.”

Uh, Ms. Bachmann, in Iowa same-sex couples can get married. Just thought you’d like that news flash.

And, oh yeah! I think it’s peachy keen that you urge people who aren’t sexually compatible to get married. Way to go, Mrs. Ladybird.

“What possible difference could it make to *you*?”

The Senate Judiciary committee heard discussion and voted upon a repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) today; the repeal had 30 co-sponsors (all Democrats, natch), and absolutely no support from the Republican side of the aisle. The committee voted 10-8 to pass the bill onto the full chamber.

There isn’t a chance in hell of the bill passing the Senate, since the repeal of an existing law requires a 3/5 vote (60 Senators). There is even less of a chance of the bill passing the House, which is controlled by the Republicans. Why did these co-sponsors bother? It was claimed by a Republican senator that the “vast majority” of Americans supported “traditional marriage”; this is untrue, of course, because a majority of Americans now support the idea of gay marriage.

Because despite what the Republican leadership claims:

“To me, this debate is about stable families, good environments for raising children and religious beliefs. It’s not about discriminating against anyone…” (Senator Grassley)

the repeal of DOMA is merely about ending discrimination and allowing due process to apply to all U.S. citizens. This is only one of so many rational, moral reasons to rid ourselves of a law that can properly be compared to the Jim Crow laws that enforced the “separate but equal” lie that so many states held until the ’60s.

Here’s one of the most compelling moral reason:

A rowdy quote

Remember Rowdy Yates?

“These people who are making a big deal about gay marriage? I don’t give a fuck about who wants to get married to anybody else! Why not?! We’re making a big deal out of things we shouldn’t be making a deal out of. Just give everybody the chance to have the life they want.”

Yipee-ki-ya, Mr. Eastwood.

Nothing’s changed

Let’s take a live look at Times Square.

See the hustle and bustle? I did on Sunday morning. But let’s be sure. Take a look here at Columbus Square.

We’ll check one more place: New York City midtown.

I think we can all agree:

Gay marriage has not caused New York City to implode into any sort of moral or physical black hole.

Not even a tiny bit. Everyone’s still alive, still breathing, still doing business, still taking care of life’s little chores.

Maybe, just maybe the Bryan Fishers, Tony Perkins, Maggie Gallagher, and Lawrence O’Donnells of the world are wrong.

Just maybe.

Paging the Ministry of Records!

In 1996 Barack Obama, then a candidate for the Illinois state senate, signed two questionnaires that stated his support for gay marriage, and that he would fight efforts to make it illegal.

So it seemed.

The hot news out of Netroots today is that the White House is now claiming that Obama didn’t sign those questionnaires. There was an inference that his signature had been forged.

Really?? Those questionnaires have been out there for 15 years. They’ve been written about several times between now and then, and the White House is just now getting around to denying them?? This is nothing like “change” or “hope”.

Maybe we’ve been at war with Eurasia all this time.